I've always felt that being a single parent would be the hardest job in the world. But if being a single parent is the hardest then being a full-time working parent must be the second hardest. I'm not going to mince words here, I've had a hard year and I'm tired. So very tired.
2012 started off on the wrong foot beginning with Jan 1st. I had the worst cold I'd ever had (sinus infection plus ear infection resulted in a burst eardrum and 4 weeks of suffering) and everything went downhill from there. This year I've struggled financially, emotionally and physically and somewhere along the way, I lost sight of me. Since returning to work in 2010, I realize I have two priorities in my life - being a good Mom and being an engaged employee. After I manage those things (which is already 100% of my time), I try to be a caring wife, a decent housekeeper and a good friend. Very little time is left for me to do the things that benefit my health and well-being.
I realize that I'm not alone. I'm not the only working Mom who doesn't put herself first, second or even third. I don't pretend that I'm the only one who struggles with questions like "Why am I doing this? When will it get easier?" but I find it interesting no one talks about it. For some reason society puts forth an image that Moms can do it all - happily - and all the while looking fabulous. Like we have time to work out at the gym and get our nails done at the spa. And interesting again is that Moms will judge other Moms. Women who probably shouldn't because they've been there too and know just how hard it really is.
My friend once had a blog about motherhood. I remember she described her blog as a place to talk about all the joy, wonder, sham and drudgery that is motherhood. I used to wonder what she meant by "sham and drudgery" but now I get it. The sham is that we can't do it all and the drudgery is the day to day routine of paying bills, doing laundry, cleaning the house, getting groceries, going to work, taking kids to music lessons, soccer practice, ballet etc etc.
So on my 36th birthday I decided to reflect on this - the life that I currently live. What I know is that I have a great life. I recognize that I've got an engaged partner who helps me in the parenting department. I've got a good job with a boss who understands last minute day care issues and child illnesses. I've got a nice house to keep us warm and a safe car to get us around. So what do I need? Well I need something to dream about, to get excited about, to do something for me that makes me feel alive. I need a bucket list.
So here is my list. It's not in any particular order and I imagine it will change and alter as time goes by. I don't know if it will really bring me any satisfaction but I figure it's worth a try. I'm worth a try.
1. Swim with sharks
2. Go on an African safari
3. Get a tattoo
4. Start a business
5. See Machu Picchu
6. Be an extra on a movie set
7. Run a marathon
8. Have something I've written get published
9. Help someone else complete an item on their bucket list
10. Witness the birth of a baby
11. Take my husband out on a $1000 date
12. Share a kiss at the top of the Empire State Building
13. See baby turtles hatch and run to the sea
14. Drink a beer in Munich during Oktoberfest
15. Spend a night in an over water bungalow
16. See a live running of the Kentucky Derby. Wear a cool hat and place $100 bet on the long shot to win
17. Perform a random act of kindness for a complete stranger
18. Experience a hot air balloon ride
19. Tour the Greek Isles
20. Take a cooking class in Paris
21. . . .
"Goals are just dreams with deadlines."
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
My Really Super Big Boy
I had read somewhere (I don't remember where) that as a "good" parent, I should take my child to see the dentist at around the age of three. I had also read something about taking my kid to get his eyes checked around 6 months. Since I had completely missed the eye thing, I decided to put in some effort and get Brandon to the dentist before his third birthday.
Honestly, I sort of dreaded the idea. I imagined my child - who barely tolerates getting his teeth brushed - running around the dentist chair, refusing to sit and yelling something like "No Mommy! No!" The kind receptionist at our dental office informed me that most children don't in fact cooperate and often the first visit is just a count of the teeth. A polish if we're really lucky.
I felt like I needed backup (or moral support?) so I made Jamie come with us. We arrived early to fill out some paperwork and right away Brandon was impressed by the cool fish tank and "Star Trek" like doors at the dental office. The only prep I gave him was that he was going to meet my friend, Dr. Mustafa Esmail, and that Mustafa would give him a ride in a cool chair and count his teeth.
I'm happy to report that all my worry was for nothing. Brandon was an absolute star! Not only did he let them count his teeth, he let them polish AND scale them. Unheard of for a little one. After about 15 minutes in the chair, Brandon was all done and he was off to the treat box to pick his prize. As for me, I was told to start flossing his teeth (yah right. Seriously, that's not going to happen).
Feeling emboldened from our stellar dental visit, I decided to take Brandon to an eye exam all by myself. Once again Brandon was a star. He loved telling the Dr. the pictures he saw in the mirror and once she was done flashing the light in his eyes, he got to flash the light in hers :-) He didn't get any treats but he had a really good time. He laughed pretty much through the whole exam. On an interesting note, the doctor told me his vision is where she expected it to be for his age - he's far sighted.
After these two experiences Jamie and I were commenting on how lucky we are to have a boy who's not afraid of loud noises, strange situations or even skittish around strangers. He's very confident, social and - most of the time - really easy-going. He's just my really super big boy :-)
Honestly, I sort of dreaded the idea. I imagined my child - who barely tolerates getting his teeth brushed - running around the dentist chair, refusing to sit and yelling something like "No Mommy! No!" The kind receptionist at our dental office informed me that most children don't in fact cooperate and often the first visit is just a count of the teeth. A polish if we're really lucky.
I felt like I needed backup (or moral support?) so I made Jamie come with us. We arrived early to fill out some paperwork and right away Brandon was impressed by the cool fish tank and "Star Trek" like doors at the dental office. The only prep I gave him was that he was going to meet my friend, Dr. Mustafa Esmail, and that Mustafa would give him a ride in a cool chair and count his teeth.
I'm happy to report that all my worry was for nothing. Brandon was an absolute star! Not only did he let them count his teeth, he let them polish AND scale them. Unheard of for a little one. After about 15 minutes in the chair, Brandon was all done and he was off to the treat box to pick his prize. As for me, I was told to start flossing his teeth (yah right. Seriously, that's not going to happen).
Feeling emboldened from our stellar dental visit, I decided to take Brandon to an eye exam all by myself. Once again Brandon was a star. He loved telling the Dr. the pictures he saw in the mirror and once she was done flashing the light in his eyes, he got to flash the light in hers :-) He didn't get any treats but he had a really good time. He laughed pretty much through the whole exam. On an interesting note, the doctor told me his vision is where she expected it to be for his age - he's far sighted.
After these two experiences Jamie and I were commenting on how lucky we are to have a boy who's not afraid of loud noises, strange situations or even skittish around strangers. He's very confident, social and - most of the time - really easy-going. He's just my really super big boy :-)
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Summer 2012
The leaves have turned orange and they've started to fall to the ground. The mornings are dark and crisp. Frost has appeared on the roofs and all of our patio furniture has been put into storage. It's time to face reality - our beautiful summer is over.
Looking back, I realize I didn't post much over the summer. We were very busy and perhaps I was enjoying the wonderful weather too much to want to sit in front of the computer for long. It would be silly of me though to let this past summer slip into blurry memories of a time when my boy was only 2 and a half. He experienced so many "firsts"that I think it's worthy to make a note of them.
Our summer really started in May when we had a visit from my cousin Meg, her husband Greg and their little boy William (only 1 and half). They were coming from Paris to attend a wedding. They stayed with us for about five days and it was lovely to have them. Brandon got a real kick out of being the "big boy" around William and he learned some valuable lessons about how to share with people even smaller than himself. While they were here, we visited the zoo and the local mall. We went shopping and Meg and I had fun catching up. I always did enjoy spending time with my big cousin!
Next up in June was a visit from my Mom and Dad. Our day home was closing for a week so they were generous to come out and babysit Brandon at that time. Brandon adores his grandparents and he had a lot of fun taking them to the park and making them push him on the swing ;-) They also went shopping and out for lunch and generally enjoyed each others company.
In July we had a visit from Jamie's sister Julie (or "Julia" as Brandon liked to call her). She was 4 months pregnant at the time so she was busy gathering baby stuff and getting Brandon to test run her new stroller. Brandon had tons of fun with his auntie and wasn't shy about taking her to the park and making her push him on the swing!
For the August long weekend we decided to do something daring . . . we took Brandon camping. This wasn't the kind of camping that I was used to - sleeping on the cold hard ground in a damp tent with tons of bugs everywhere. We had been invited by Jamie's friends Fern and Bryan. Those two have camping nailed and so we were spoiled by sleeping in their huge trailer, driving their quads, eating their amazing camp food (roasted pig on a spit) and enjoying the awesome fireworks they lit off every night. Brandon absolutely loved camping and took to it like a fish in water. He was up from 7:30 in the morning until 9:00 at night and never got cranky for a second (this is basically where he dropped his afternoon nap as well). It was a great time had by all.
Later in August my brother Tyler and his family came for a visit. They stayed with us for about four days and Brandon was, once again, over the moon. He thought his big cousins Alexa and James were amazing and he did all he could to keep up with them at every step. They are really great kids and they were very patient and played wonderfully with Brandon. I think it's a good experience for him to spend time with older kids and who better than his cousins? Another first for Brandon was that he was treated to a trip to the Royal Tyrell Museum. He went with Tyler and was a very big boy - he wasn't scared of the dinosaurs at all!
In September, while the weather was still beautiful, my Mom and Dad came back for a quick visit. Brandon was thrilled to have them return and spend more time at the park and on the swings ;-) Afi also took him for ice cream and showed him how to fly a kite. Another cool first when you're only almost three.
Shortly after they left, we took Brandon to his first parade. A little parade in the town of Cochrane. Brandon loved the firetruck, the guy riding a bull and the clowns that threw candy into the crowd. He just couldn't quite believe it.
Other fun times included BBQs with our friends, sunny days at water parks and spending lazy hours on our beautiful deck. We would blow bubbles, draw pictures with our washable chalk or build sandcastles in the sand box. The long warm days of doing next to nothing were always the best.
And over the summer, Brandon grew a bit bigger. He moved out of his crib and into his "big boy" race car bed. He dropped his nap entirely and he started to use the potty regularly. Though he's still not perfect with #2, he's getting really really close to being 100% potty trained. He talks non stop and some of my favourite Brandon words right now include:
"Space Pants" - this is what he calls his big boy underwear
"Messquiss" - necklace
"Bumble Beans" - bumblebees
"High Pad" - iPad
Also, thanks to camping, his all time favourite thing right now is quads. Oh yah and monster trucks. How could I forget about those?
Seriously cute stuff and all of it worth remembering.
Looking back, I realize I didn't post much over the summer. We were very busy and perhaps I was enjoying the wonderful weather too much to want to sit in front of the computer for long. It would be silly of me though to let this past summer slip into blurry memories of a time when my boy was only 2 and a half. He experienced so many "firsts"that I think it's worthy to make a note of them.
Our summer really started in May when we had a visit from my cousin Meg, her husband Greg and their little boy William (only 1 and half). They were coming from Paris to attend a wedding. They stayed with us for about five days and it was lovely to have them. Brandon got a real kick out of being the "big boy" around William and he learned some valuable lessons about how to share with people even smaller than himself. While they were here, we visited the zoo and the local mall. We went shopping and Meg and I had fun catching up. I always did enjoy spending time with my big cousin!
Next up in June was a visit from my Mom and Dad. Our day home was closing for a week so they were generous to come out and babysit Brandon at that time. Brandon adores his grandparents and he had a lot of fun taking them to the park and making them push him on the swing ;-) They also went shopping and out for lunch and generally enjoyed each others company.
In July we had a visit from Jamie's sister Julie (or "Julia" as Brandon liked to call her). She was 4 months pregnant at the time so she was busy gathering baby stuff and getting Brandon to test run her new stroller. Brandon had tons of fun with his auntie and wasn't shy about taking her to the park and making her push him on the swing!
For the August long weekend we decided to do something daring . . . we took Brandon camping. This wasn't the kind of camping that I was used to - sleeping on the cold hard ground in a damp tent with tons of bugs everywhere. We had been invited by Jamie's friends Fern and Bryan. Those two have camping nailed and so we were spoiled by sleeping in their huge trailer, driving their quads, eating their amazing camp food (roasted pig on a spit) and enjoying the awesome fireworks they lit off every night. Brandon absolutely loved camping and took to it like a fish in water. He was up from 7:30 in the morning until 9:00 at night and never got cranky for a second (this is basically where he dropped his afternoon nap as well). It was a great time had by all.
Later in August my brother Tyler and his family came for a visit. They stayed with us for about four days and Brandon was, once again, over the moon. He thought his big cousins Alexa and James were amazing and he did all he could to keep up with them at every step. They are really great kids and they were very patient and played wonderfully with Brandon. I think it's a good experience for him to spend time with older kids and who better than his cousins? Another first for Brandon was that he was treated to a trip to the Royal Tyrell Museum. He went with Tyler and was a very big boy - he wasn't scared of the dinosaurs at all!
In September, while the weather was still beautiful, my Mom and Dad came back for a quick visit. Brandon was thrilled to have them return and spend more time at the park and on the swings ;-) Afi also took him for ice cream and showed him how to fly a kite. Another cool first when you're only almost three.
Shortly after they left, we took Brandon to his first parade. A little parade in the town of Cochrane. Brandon loved the firetruck, the guy riding a bull and the clowns that threw candy into the crowd. He just couldn't quite believe it.
Other fun times included BBQs with our friends, sunny days at water parks and spending lazy hours on our beautiful deck. We would blow bubbles, draw pictures with our washable chalk or build sandcastles in the sand box. The long warm days of doing next to nothing were always the best.
And over the summer, Brandon grew a bit bigger. He moved out of his crib and into his "big boy" race car bed. He dropped his nap entirely and he started to use the potty regularly. Though he's still not perfect with #2, he's getting really really close to being 100% potty trained. He talks non stop and some of my favourite Brandon words right now include:
"Space Pants" - this is what he calls his big boy underwear
"Messquiss" - necklace
"Bumble Beans" - bumblebees
"High Pad" - iPad
Also, thanks to camping, his all time favourite thing right now is quads. Oh yah and monster trucks. How could I forget about those?
Seriously cute stuff and all of it worth remembering.
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