Bucket List

I've always felt that being a single parent would be the hardest job in the world. But if being a single parent is the hardest then being a full-time working parent must be the second hardest. I'm not going to mince words here, I've had a hard year and I'm tired. So very tired.
2012 started off on the wrong foot beginning with Jan 1st. I had the worst cold I'd ever had (sinus infection plus ear infection resulted in a burst eardrum and 4 weeks of suffering) and everything went downhill from there. This year I've struggled financially, emotionally and physically and somewhere along the way, I lost sight of me. Since returning to work in 2010, I realize I have two priorities in my life - being a good Mom and being an engaged employee. After I manage those things (which is already 100% of my time), I try to be a caring wife, a decent housekeeper and a good friend. Very little time is left for me to do the things that benefit my health and well-being.
I realize that I'm not alone. I'm not the only working Mom who doesn't put herself first, second or even third. I don't pretend that I'm the only one who struggles with questions like "Why am I doing this? When will it get easier?" but I find it interesting no one talks about it. For some reason society puts forth an image that Moms can do it all - happily - and all the while looking fabulous. Like we have time to work out at the gym and get our nails done at the spa. And interesting again is that Moms will judge other Moms. Women who probably shouldn't because they've been there too and know just how hard it really is.
My friend once had a blog about motherhood. I remember she described her blog as a place to talk about all the joy, wonder, sham and drudgery that is motherhood. I used to wonder what she meant by "sham and drudgery" but now I get it. The sham is that we can't do it all and the drudgery is the day to day routine of paying bills, doing laundry, cleaning the house, getting groceries, going to work, taking kids to music lessons, soccer practice, ballet etc etc.
So on my 36th birthday I decided to reflect on this - the life that I currently live. What I know is that I have a great life. I recognize that I've got an engaged partner who helps me in the parenting department. I've got a good job with a boss who understands last minute day care issues and child illnesses. I've got a nice house to keep us warm and a safe car to get us around. So what do I need? Well I need something to dream about, to get excited about, to do something for me that makes me feel alive. I need a bucket list.
So here is my list. It's not in any particular order and I imagine it will change and alter as time goes by. I don't know if it will really bring me any satisfaction but I figure it's worth a try. I'm worth a try.

1. Swim with sharks
2. Go on an African safari
3. Get a tattoo
4. Start a business
5. See Machu Picchu
6. Be an extra on a movie set
7. Run a marathon
8. Have something I've written get published
9. Help someone else complete an item on their bucket list
10. Witness the birth of a baby
11. Take my husband out on a $1000 date
12. Share a kiss at the top of the Empire State Building
13. See baby turtles hatch and run to the sea
14. Drink a beer in Munich during Oktoberfest
15. Spend a night in an over water bungalow
16. See a live running of the Kentucky Derby. Wear a cool hat and place $100 bet on the long shot to win
17. Perform a random act of kindness for a complete stranger
18. Experience a hot air balloon ride
19. Tour the Greek Isles
20. Take a cooking class in Paris
21. . . .

"Goals are just dreams with deadlines."