Missing You

The last time I saw you was on Saturday evening around 8pm (July 12th). I was putting things away in the kitchen when I looked out the window and saw you sitting on the deck railing. You looked so relaxed and comfortable - it was such a beautiful night. I thought I should call you and have you come in. I changed my mind when I realized Jamie was out on the deck as well. Why not let you stay outside with him just a little while longer? I figured you would come in with him soon. I had a bath and went to bed. Later, around 10pm, I heard Jamie calling for you but I could tell by the way he closed the door without comment that you had not come in. I didn't worry too much but I slept terribly that night, thinking I would hear you meowing, wanting to come in.
You never meowed and when I went downstairs and opened the door first thing in the morning, I wondered why you weren't there. My thoughts went to the City Pound. We had a neighbour in the area who trapped cats. I know because you had been caught before at least twice. I had errands to run that morning but I kept putting them off, waiting for you to return or for the Pound to call me and tell me I needed to come get you. After a while I went out, slowly going down the street and looking for you. I had a nagging feeling that something was wrong.
When I got home from errands I asked Jamie to call the Pound. They claimed they had no calls for trapped cats in the area and decided to file a "missing cat report". As the day went on and we prepared for our upcoming backyard BBQ with friends, we watched for you. We looked in neighbours yards and called your name. At one point I said to Jamie "I thought she would be in our lives for a very long time to come" and he replied "yah me too". That's when I knew Jamie also had a bad feeling about your absence.
After the BBQ ended I took a walk around the block, calling your name, begging for you to appear. Sometimes I thought I heard a cat and I would stop and wait but you never came. My heart felt heavy as I went to bed that night. I had a terrible sleep again. This time waking up whenever I heard the slightest noise - hoping it was you.
On Monday around noon, the Pound called me. The lady on the other end told me your collar had been found. My neighbour, only three houses down, had found it on her front lawn. The lady gave me the neighbour's phone number and I immediately called Jamie. I told him he had to call her. After only ten minutes he called me back and explained the neighbour's story. She said her husband had heard a cat fighting with a coyote late on Saturday night. She said she found the collar the next morning. It wasn't until she was mowing the lawn on Monday that she found your licence tag and called the Pound. I knew immediately you were gone. A coyote had taken you only steps to the safety of your own yard. My heart broke in pieces when I made this realization.
And so my sweet friend, now you're gone. For your very small stature, you've left a huge gap. I miss the way you would jump onto the bathroom counter every morning and watch me put on my makeup. I miss the way you would jump up to reach my hand as I went to pet you. I miss your funny little snore - the one you would make when lying on the bed beside me. I miss the way your cute little face always seemed to have a question on it. I miss how you would know, from anywhere in the house, the sound of someone opening a can of tuna. I miss how you were always around, a constant and quiet little companion. I miss you terribly.
Like most cats you always had a little bit of mystery about you. No one ever knew your birthday (though we know it was in May 2004) and now we don't really know your death. Likely it was July 12th but maybe it was July 13th. I guess it doesn't even matter. What matters is you were a part of this family for 10 short years. We loved you and we love you still. Cute, annoying, confident, sweet - you knew what you wanted and you always went for it.
Goodbye Kazi Cat. I will listen for you every night - just in case - and I will forever keep you close to my heart where you've always been.

Kazi Fontaine May 2004 - July 2016